September often carries a sense of change.
The summer holidays come to an end, children return to school, routines begin again and workplaces seem to pick up pace. For some, it can feel energising, almost like a second New Year and a chance to get organised, refocus or make a fresh start.
This sense of September as a fresh start is something psychologists have explored too. RTÉ recently looked at why September can feel like a “mini New Year”, with the return to familiar routines often prompting us to reflect, reset and think about what we might want to change.
But transitions are not always easy.
Even positive change can bring uncertainty, sadness, anxiety or a feeling that we are not quite ready to move forward. And because September is so often associated with “getting back to normal”, it can sometimes feel as though everyone else has slipped effortlessly into a new routine while you are still trying to find your feet.
If September feels more unsettling than refreshing, you are certainly not alone.
Why does September feel like such a significant month?
For many of us, September has been associated with change since childhood.
For years, it marked a new school year: a different classroom, a new teacher, unfamiliar routines or perhaps the move to a completely new school. Even long after our own school days are over, that sense of September being a time of beginnings can remain.
As adults, we may experience it in different ways.
Children return to school or leave home for university. Work becomes busier after the summer. Holidays end. The evenings begin to draw in and the slower pace we may have enjoyed during July and August disappears.
There can suddenly be an expectation to become productive again.
That change of pace can be welcome, but it can also feel overwhelming.
Back to school isn't only a transition for children
The start of a new school year is often talked about in terms of how children feel, but it can be a significant adjustment for parents and carers too.
Perhaps your child is starting school for the first time, moving to secondary school, beginning college or leaving home for university.
You may feel excited and proud while also experiencing worry or sadness.
Changes in family routine can alter how our days look and even how we see our role within the family. If a child becomes more independent, parents can sometimes find themselves wondering, What does this next stage mean for me?
These feelings can be particularly noticeable when a child leaves home.
The term “empty nest” can make the experience sound simple, but the reality can involve a mixture of emotions: pride, relief, excitement, loneliness, grief and uncertainty, sometimes all at once.
Loneliness is also a very individual experience. Mind explains that loneliness is not simply about being alone, and that people can experience feelings of loneliness even when they have people around them.
There is no correct way to feel about a transition.
When routines change, emotions can surface
Summer often gives us a break from our usual patterns.
There may be holidays, lighter evenings, fewer commitments or simply a different rhythm to everyday life. When September arrives, calendars begin filling again and responsibilities that felt temporarily distant can suddenly demand our attention.
Returning to routine can be helpful. Structure can give us stability and predictability.
But it can also highlight things we have been able to put to one side.
Perhaps you're returning to a job that has been making you unhappy.
Maybe you've spent the summer thinking about a relationship, your future or a decision you need to make.
Or perhaps nothing significant has changed at all, but you simply feel unsettled.
Sometimes a shift in routine creates enough space for emotions we have been carrying quietly to become more noticeable.
Change can be difficult, even when we choose it
We often assume that if a change is positive, we’re expected to feel happy about it.
But our emotions rarely work that neatly.
Starting a new job may be exciting while also making you question whether you're capable.
A child becoming more independent can be wonderful while also leaving you grieving an earlier stage of family life.
Deciding to make changes for yourself may feel empowering while also bringing uncertainty about what comes next.
Two seemingly conflicting emotions can exist at the same time.
You can be excited and anxious.
You can know something is right while still feeling sad about what you're leaving behind.
You can want a fresh start while also finding change frightening.
Allowing yourself to acknowledge both sides of the experience can be much kinder than placing expectations on yourself about how you are meant to feel.
The pressure of the “September reset”
Just as January brings messages about resolutions and reinvention, September increasingly carries its own pressure to reset.
New routines. New goals. Better habits. Getting organised. Becoming more productive.
There is nothing wrong with using September as an opportunity to make changes if that feels helpful.
But a fresh start does not have to mean changing everything at once.
If you're already navigating changes at home, work or within yourself, adding a long list of expectations may create more pressure rather than motivation.
Instead, it can be helpful to ask:
- What would make life feel a little more manageable at the moment?
- Is there anything I need more of , or less of?
- What am I finding difficult about this transition?
- Am I expecting too much from myself?
- What might I need to give myself time to adjust to?
Sometimes the most useful reset is simply recognising that you need to approach yourself with a little more patience.
Give yourself time to adjust
Transitions take time.
Even relatively small changes can affect our sense of security because our brains naturally find comfort in familiarity and predictability.
You do not need to have everything worked out by the beginning of September.
Try to give yourself permission to settle into new routines gradually.
Talk to people you trust about how you're feeling rather than feeling pressure to simply "get on with it".
If loneliness is part of the transition you're experiencing, Mind also offers practical suggestions for managing loneliness, including opening up to people you know, taking things slowly, making new connections and trying not to compare yourself with others.
And remember that struggling with change does not necessarily mean the change itself is wrong.
Sometimes it simply means that something important in your life is shifting.
When talking to someone can help
Periods of transition often encourage us to reflect on where we are and where we would like to be.
You might be questioning your work, relationships, family role or sense of identity. You may be dealing with a change you did not choose, or finding it difficult to adjust to something you thought you would feel differently about.
Counselling can provide a confidential space to explore those feelings without judgement or pressure to immediately find an answer.
The NHS describes counselling as a talking therapy where you can explore your thoughts, feelings and experiences with a trained professional, and notes that it can help people experiencing difficult emotions and challenging life events.
Sometimes talking through what is changing, and what that change represents for you, can help you understand your emotions more clearly and begin to work out what you need next.
September may feel like a new beginning, but you don't need to reinvent yourself.
Sometimes a fresh start begins much more quietly: by acknowledging how you really feel, giving yourself time to adjust and deciding that you don't have to navigate everything on your own.