Anxiety is something most of us will experience at different points in our lives. It can appear before an important meeting, while waiting for news, when facing a difficult conversation or during a period of change and uncertainty.
The Mental Health Foundation describes anxiety as a normal response to feeling threatened, under pressure or stressed. In some situations, it can actually be helpful, keeping us alert, making us more aware of risks and encouraging us to prepare or solve problems.
For some people, though, anxiety can begin to take up more space. Rather than appearing briefly and then passing, it can become a more constant presence in the background of everyday life. You might find yourself worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, replaying conversations long after they have finished or feeling as though your mind is always trying to anticipate the next problem.
With World Mental Health Day taking place on 10 October, it feels like a useful opportunity to look a little more closely at anxiety. Not simply at how to make it disappear, but at what it can feel like, why it sometimes develops and what it might be trying to tell us.
Anxiety can show up in lots of different ways
When we think about anxiety, we often imagine somebody having a panic attack or visibly struggling. In reality, anxiety can be much quieter than that.
It can feel like a mind that never quite switches off. You might overthink decisions, worry about saying or doing the wrong thing or find yourself constantly trying to prepare for every possible outcome. You may need reassurance from the people around you or feel more comfortable when everything is organised and predictable.
Mind explains that anxiety can affect both the body and the mind, and that everyone experiences it differently. Some people notice a sense of dread, difficulty concentrating, problems relaxing or worrying repeatedly about the future. Others may find themselves constantly seeking reassurance or going over situations again and again in their mind.
For someone else, anxiety may be felt much more strongly in the body. A racing heart, headaches, an unsettled stomach, dizziness, shaking, sweating, muscle tension or difficulty sleeping can all be associated with anxiety. The NHS also highlights that anxiety can affect us physically, mentally and behaviourally, which is why it isn't always immediately obvious that anxiety is behind the way we are feeling.
Sometimes these physical sensations can become worrying in themselves, creating a cycle where we begin to feel anxious about feeling anxious.
Anxiety can also influence the way we behave without us immediately recognising it. Perhaps you begin turning down invitations, avoiding particular places or putting off things you know will make you uncomfortable. You might struggle to say no because you are worried about disappointing somebody, or push yourself to get everything exactly right because making a mistake feels particularly difficult.
These experiences do not automatically mean that somebody has an anxiety disorder. Mind notes that most people feel anxious at points in their lives, and experiencing anxiety from time to time does not necessarily mean there is a mental health problem. It can become more of a concern when it is very strong, difficult to control or begins to stop someone living their life in the way they would like.
Why do we feel anxious?
At its simplest, anxiety is connected to protection.
Our brains and bodies are designed to notice potential threats and respond quickly. If we were in immediate danger, our nervous system would prepare us to act. Our heart rate might increase, our muscles may tense and our attention becomes focused on whatever appears to be threatening us.
The NHS explains that when we feel anxious or scared, the body can release stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. This response can be useful in some situations, but it can also create many of the uncomfortable physical feelings we associate with anxiety.
The difficulty is that the threat does not always have to be physical.
We may be afraid of being rejected, criticised, embarrassed or letting somebody down. Perhaps we have experienced something difficult in the past and our mind has learnt to be particularly alert in similar situations. Work pressures, relationship difficulties, financial worries, health concerns, bereavement or significant life changes can all contribute to feelings of anxiety.
In these circumstances, it can sometimes be helpful to think of anxiety as the mind trying to protect us from something it believes may be painful.
That doesn't mean the fear is always an accurate reflection of what is going to happen. But understanding that anxiety may have developed for a reason can sometimes help us respond to ourselves with greater compassion rather than frustration.
When protecting ourselves begins to limit us
One of the most understandable responses to anxiety is avoidance.
If a situation makes us anxious and we remove ourselves from it, we often feel immediate relief. We cancel the plan, postpone the phone call or decide that we simply won't go somewhere again. Our anxiety reduces, and for a while, that feels like the solution.
The difficulty is that avoidance can sometimes strengthen anxiety over time.
If we continually avoid a situation, our brain may never have the opportunity to discover that perhaps we could cope with it. Instead, the situation can begin to feel increasingly frightening or unmanageable.
Both Mind and the NHS recognise avoidance as something that can happen when we are experiencing anxiety, particularly avoiding places, situations or experiences we associate with anxious feelings.
This can happen gradually. You may not notice it at first, but over time your choices begin to be shaped more and more by what feels safe rather than by what you actually want to do.
Again, this isn't something to criticise yourself for. Avoidance is often another attempt at self-protection. But it can be useful to notice when that protection is beginning to come at a cost.
Becoming curious about anxiety
When anxiety feels overwhelming, the natural instinct is often to ask:
“How do I make this stop?”
Sometimes, though, a different question can be more helpful.
“What is my anxiety worried about?”
Perhaps underneath the anxiety is a fear of failure, rejection or losing control. You might worry about being judged by other people or feel responsible for keeping everybody around you happy. You may have learnt through past experiences that certain situations are not safe, even though your circumstances today may be very different.
You do not need to have an immediate answer.
Often these patterns have developed gradually and can be difficult to recognise when you're living inside them. Simply becoming a little more curious about your reactions can begin to change the relationship you have with anxiety.
Instead of seeing it solely as something to fight or get rid of, you can begin to explore why it might be there and what it may be trying to protect you from.
How counselling can help
Counselling can offer a space to explore anxiety without judgement or pressure.
You do not need to arrive with a clear explanation of why you feel the way you do. Many people don't. You might simply know that you're worrying more than you used to, finding particular situations increasingly difficult or feeling exhausted by the amount of thinking happening in your head.
Talking things through can help you begin to recognise patterns. You may notice particular situations that trigger anxiety, beliefs you hold about yourself or ways you have learnt to protect yourself when you feel vulnerable.
Sometimes understanding where a response has come from can make it feel less confusing or frightening.
Counselling can also create space to explore different ways of responding. Rather than automatically avoiding something, seeking reassurance or trying to control every possible outcome, you can begin to understand what you need in those moments and what might help you feel more able to cope.
The aim isn't necessarily to never feel anxious again. Anxiety is part of being human, and there will always be situations in life that feel uncertain or uncomfortable.
Instead, counselling can help you understand your anxiety and reduce the amount of influence it has over the choices you make.
You don't have to wait until things become overwhelming
There can sometimes be a belief that counselling is something we should only consider when we have reached a crisis point.
But you don't have to wait until anxiety has become unbearable before seeking support.
Perhaps you have simply noticed that your worries are becoming harder to switch off. Maybe you are avoiding more things than you used to, your confidence has changed or you feel as though you're constantly preparing for something to go wrong.
Those feelings are worth paying attention to.
The NHS recommends seeking further support if anxiety, fear or panic is becoming difficult to cope with or if the things you have tried yourself are not helping. Support might include speaking to a GP, accessing NHS Talking Therapies or talking to a counsellor.
You don't need to know exactly why you feel anxious or have the perfect words to explain it.
Sometimes the starting point is simply acknowledging that something doesn't feel quite right and deciding that you would like to understand it a little better.
Anxiety can be uncomfortable and, at times, exhausting. But it can also tell us something about where we feel vulnerable, what we fear and what we are trying to protect.
Understanding that can be an important first step towards finding a different way forward.
Further information and support
You can find further information about anxiety and mental health support from:
- Mind – information about understanding anxiety, symptoms, causes and support.
- Mental Health Foundation – information about anxiety, mental health and wellbeing.
- NHS – advice about anxiety, fear and panic, including information about accessing additional support.
If you are struggling with anxiety and would like a confidential space to explore what you are experiencing, get in touch to find out more about counselling.