For many families, the school holidays are spoken about as something to look forward to. A break from the school run. More time together. Longer days. Holidays, trips out, family memories and a slower pace.
And for some people, summer does feel like that.
But for many parents, carers and families, the reality can be much more complicated.
The school holidays can bring disrupted routines, childcare challenges, financial pressure, sibling arguments, family tensions, loneliness, increased caring responsibilities and very little time to yourself. What may look from the outside like a break can feel, in reality, like an intense period of juggling, planning, worrying and holding everything together.
If summer does not feel easy for you, you are not alone.
There can be a lot of pressure to enjoy this time of year. Social media often shows the day trips, beach days, holidays and happy moments. What it may not show is the parent trying to work while arranging childcare, the carer feeling exhausted, the family worried about money, the person feeling lonely while everyone else seems busy, or the household where tensions rise when everyone is together for longer periods.
This article is for anyone finding the school holidays emotionally difficult. Whether you are a parent, carer, grandparent, step-parent, someone supporting children, or someone affected by family pressure at this time of year, your feelings matter.
You do not have to pretend summer feels like a break if it does not.
Why the school holidays can feel so hard
The change from term time to school holidays can affect the whole household.
During term time, even if life is busy, there is often some structure. School times, work patterns, clubs, meals, bedtimes and routines can give shape to the week. When that structure suddenly changes, it can feel unsettling.
For children, a change in routine can bring excitement, but it can also bring anxiety, restlessness, boredom or emotional ups and downs. Childline notes that while summer holidays can be enjoyable for some young people, others may feel lonely or find the change in routine difficult.
For adults, the holidays can bring a different kind of pressure. You may be trying to manage work, childcare, money, meals, transport, activities, screen time, family expectations and your own wellbeing, all at the same time.
That is a lot to carry.
The childcare juggle
One of the biggest pressures during the school holidays is childcare.
For working parents and carers, the holidays can mean trying to piece together annual leave, holiday clubs, grandparents, favours, flexible working, childcare swaps or working from home with children in the background.
Even when support is available, organising it can take time, energy and money. It may also come with guilt. Guilt about working. Guilt about not working. Guilt about asking for help. Guilt about children having too much screen time. Guilt about not creating the kind of summer you imagined.
Mind’s Mental Health at Work resources recognise that parents can face additional responsibilities and difficulties, and highlight the importance of support for working parents and carers during school holiday periods.
It is worth remembering that childcare stress is not a personal failure. It is often the result of trying to meet many demands with little support.
Financial pressure and the cost of summer
Summer can be expensive.
Food costs may increase when children are at home. Activities, transport, days out, holiday clubs, uniforms for September, childcare and family visits can all add up. Even low-cost days can still require planning, snacks, fuel, bus fares or time away from work.
Money worries can sit quietly in the background and affect mood, patience, sleep and relationships. They can make invitations feel stressful, make social media feel painful, and make it harder to enjoy time together.
There may also be shame attached to financial stress, especially when there is pressure to give children a “good summer”. But children do not need a perfect summer. They need enough safety, steadiness, connection and care. That can look very different from family to family.
MoneyHelper has information about help with childcare costs, including Tax-Free Childcare and Universal Credit support. The Government’s Holiday Activities and Food programme also provides support during school holiday periods for children from low-income families.
If money is causing stress, it can help to look at what support is available locally, through your council, school, community groups or trusted advice services. Asking for support can feel difficult, but it is not a sign that you have failed. It is a way of caring for yourself and your family.
The emotional load of parenting
The practical tasks of summer are often only part of the picture.
There is also the emotional load.
Remembering who needs to be where. Thinking ahead. Managing everyone’s feelings. Trying to make things fair. Keeping children entertained. Smoothing over arguments. Planning meals. Noticing when someone is tired, hungry, overstimulated or upset. Holding boundaries. Staying calm. Trying not to lose your temper. Then feeling guilty when you do.
The emotional load can be exhausting because much of it is invisible. Other people may see the day out, the picnic, the trip to the park or the family visit. They may not see the planning, the mental lists, the negotiations, the worries, or the effort it took to get everyone there.
If you feel drained, irritable or tearful, it may not be because you are not coping. It may be because you have been coping with too much for too long.
Family tensions and old patterns
For some people, summer means more contact with family. That might be enjoyable, but it can also be complicated.
Longer visits, shared childcare, separated families, co-parenting arrangements, step-family dynamics, strained relationships, different parenting styles, or unresolved family issues can all become more noticeable during the holidays.
You may find yourself feeling like you have to keep the peace. You may feel criticised, judged or pulled between other people’s expectations. You may notice old patterns returning, such as people-pleasing, shutting down, becoming defensive, or feeling like the responsible one.
Family time can be loving and difficult at the same time. It is okay to recognise both.
Boundaries can help, even small ones. That might mean limiting how long you stay somewhere, agreeing plans in advance, taking a short break when things feel tense, or reminding yourself that you do not have to manage everyone else’s emotions.
Loneliness in the summer
Loneliness is not only about being physically alone.
You can feel lonely in a busy house. You can feel lonely while caring for others. You can feel lonely when everyone else appears to have plans. You can feel lonely if your support network is limited, if you are parenting alone, if you are grieving, if relationships feel strained, or if the holidays highlight what is missing.
Summer can make loneliness feel more visible. Adverts, social media posts and conversations about holidays or family plans can create the impression that everyone else is connected, included and enjoying themselves.
But loneliness is a human experience, not a personal weakness.
Mind offers information and support around mental health, including loneliness and emotional wellbeing. Childline also recognises that young people may feel lonely or isolated during holidays, especially when routines change.
If loneliness is affecting you, it may help to start small. A short walk. A message to someone safe. A local group. A library visit. A community activity. A counselling session. A conversation where you do not have to pretend everything is fine.
Connection does not have to be big to matter.
When there is no time for yourself
One of the hardest parts of the school holidays can be the lack of space.
You may feel constantly needed. You may struggle to finish a thought, drink a cup of tea while it is still warm, sit quietly, work without interruption, or rest without feeling guilty.
When your own needs are pushed to the bottom of the list for weeks, it can affect your emotional wellbeing. You may become more reactive, more tired, more anxious, more resentful or more overwhelmed.
This does not mean you do not love your family. It means you are human.
Self-care does not have to mean a spa day, a holiday or a large amount of time alone. Sometimes it is ten minutes in the garden. Sitting in the car before going inside. Taking a shower without rushing. Lowering the standards for dinner. Asking someone else to take over bedtime. Saying no to an extra plan. Going to bed earlier. Letting the house be imperfect.
The NHS suggests that simple steps such as connecting with others, being active, learning, giving and paying attention to the present moment can support mental wellbeing. In real life, during the school holidays, those steps may need to be small and realistic.
Small still counts.
What might help?
There is no perfect solution to school holiday stress. Every family, household and personal situation is different.
But some gentle starting points might include:
Lower the expectations
Not every day has to be special. Children do not need constant entertainment. Rest days, quiet days and ordinary days are allowed.
A good summer does not have to look like anyone else’s.
Create a loose rhythm
A flexible routine can help both adults and children feel more settled. This might include regular mealtimes, outdoor time, quiet time, screen time boundaries, or a simple plan for the day.
It does not need to be strict. It just needs to give the day some shape.
Plan for pressure points
If mornings, mealtimes, transitions or evenings are usually difficult, try to notice what might help. Could bags be packed the night before? Could snacks be ready? Could expectations be explained earlier? Could you build in more time?
Small adjustments can sometimes reduce the emotional temperature.
Share the load where possible
If there is another adult involved, try to make the invisible work visible. Who is planning childcare? Who is organising food? Who is arranging activities? Who is getting school uniform ready? Who is noticing when everyone is overwhelmed?
Sometimes stress builds because one person is carrying more than anyone realises.
Build in small moments for yourself
You may not be able to take a full break, but you may be able to take a small pause. A few minutes of quiet. A walk around the block. Time away from your phone. A call with someone who understands. A counselling appointment.
Your needs do not disappear because other people need you.
Ask for support earlier
You do not have to wait until you are at breaking point.
Support might come from a friend, family member, GP, school, employer, local council, parenting organisation, helpline or counsellor. Family Lives offers emotional support, information and advice for parents and family life through its helpline.
Asking for help can feel hard, especially if you are used to being the person who copes. But support is not something you have to earn by struggling for long enough.
How counselling can help
Counselling offers a confidential, non-judgemental space to talk about what you are carrying.
You might come to counselling because you feel overwhelmed, anxious, low, irritable, lonely, burnt out or unlike yourself. You might be struggling with parenting pressure, family relationships, grief, separation, financial stress, caring responsibilities, childhood experiences, or the feeling that you have lost sight of yourself.
You do not need to have everything neatly explained. You do not need to know where to start. You do not need to be in crisis.
Counselling can help you slow things down, make sense of what is happening, explore patterns, recognise your needs, and think about what support or change might be possible.
Sometimes, simply having a space that is just for you can be powerful.
If things feel urgent
If you feel unable to keep yourself safe, or you are worried that someone else may be at immediate risk, call 999 or go to A&E.
If you need urgent mental health support in England, NHS 111 can help you access crisis mental health support. NHS talking therapies are also available for anxiety and depression, and can be accessed through the NHS.
Samaritans are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for anyone who needs to talk. You can call free on 116 123.
Where to find support
If the school holidays are feeling difficult, support is available.
Mind offers mental health information and support.
Family Lives offers support and advice for parents and families.
MoneyHelper provides information about childcare costs and financial support.
The Government’s Holiday Activities and Food programme may provide free holiday activities and food for eligible children.
Childline offers support for children and young people who may be struggling during the holidays.
Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123 for anyone who needs to talk.
You are allowed to find summer hard
The school holidays can bring joy, connection and memories.
They can also bring stress, pressure, exhaustion, loneliness and emotional overload.
Both can be true.
If summer does not feel like a break, that does not mean you are failing. It may mean you are carrying a great deal, with limited time, space or support.
You deserve care too.
If this has resonated with you, counselling could be a helpful place to begin. Please get in touch to arrange an initial consultation, or simply to ask how it all works.